SECOND FIDDLE

Part of my Short Stories about Violets:

SECOND FIDDLE

1: There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why. Perhaps she’ll die.
2: Or perhaps she’ll continue on as though nothing ever happened.
1: Oh. Yes, you’re right. That’s far more likely.
(pause)
1: You’ve heard that one before.
2: Once or twice.
(pause)
1: I know an old lady who swallowed a shoe.
2: Well bully for you.
(pause)
1: An old lady kicked me once.
2: Did you deserve it?
1: Well… yes.
2: Then what’s the problem?
(pause)
1: An old lady tried to rape me once.
2: You should have taken away her dentures. She couldn’t have done any harm then.
1: They kept chomping even once they were on the ground. It was very disturbing.
2: Were they posessed?
1: Possibly.
2: Did you want me to get you a Ouiji Board?
1: No. The Ghostbusters are on it.
2: Say ‘Hi,’ to Bill Murray for me.
1: Maybe he’ll autograph the dentures for me.
2: You’d still want them after all that?
1: I knocked them out fair and square.
2: That was a completely different story than how it started out.
1: I have to keep you guessing somehow.
(pause)
1: Why don’t you know any old ladies?
2: You know enough of them for the both of us.
(pause)
1: I know an old lady-
2: If you tell one more story about old ladies, I’m switching gardens.
1: Who are you going to hang out with, Daisy?
2: God, no. Perhaps Rose.
1: If you did that, you’d always play second fiddle.
2: Some people prefer Violets.
1: Not many.
(pause)
1: I know an old lady-
2: That’s it. I’m cutting my own stem.
1: See if I care.
2: Who would you talk to?
1: Why the old ladies of course.

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