Friends and Enemies

Everyone is individual and unique and wonderfully so.

Part of me still feels however that if I hate someone, all of my friends should hate them too. Otherwise, how could they be my friend? Particularly if that person has done something rude or hurtful to me on several occasions.

But is this really fair? Friend A and Enemy B are two individuals with their own feelings and likes/dislikes. They have their own relationship with each other. They have known each other for a specific amount of time, perhaps not as long as I have known either of them, but there is a relationship there which doesn’t simply go away.

However, doesn’t loyalty come into play? If someone has hurt me, don’t I have the right to expect all of my friends to stick up for me?

It’s an endless cycle, and really I suppose it comes down to feelings of worth. If you are a worthy friend, then you feel as if they shouldn’t need anyone else, especially someone who has been known to do hurtful things. You want to protect both yourself and the friend, by eliminating this person from your lives. It also makes you begin to question the reasons you hate Enemy B in the first place. Did she really do something wrong? Or perhaps you did something wrong and you simply remember it differently than it occurred. Does Friend A believe it happened differently? Is that why Friend A is still friends with Enemy B? All these icky questions rear their ugly head and the selfish-ness inside any person can make them simply not want to deal with it.

I think the really hurtful thing is when Friend A listens to all your problems with Enemy B, seems to agree whole-heartedly and then a week later you see pics of them having fun together. Feels as if a betrayal has occurred, and the only way to fix the problem, is be honest, and try to get to the bottom of it.

Message to all the Friend A’s out there: If you find yourself in the middle of two friends, it’s always best to be honest. If you think one of them was wrong, gently tell them so, and why. Not only will you save yourself from misunderstandings, and insecurities which might occur later, but you may even be able to save their friendship. Hanging out in the middle, without getting involved, while it may be the easiest for you, is ultimately the messiest option. Honesty, and gentle care in friendship are key.

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