If you ask most of my friends, they would tell you, I’m a flirt. I would say that I am an open person who tries her best to be engaging and that I’m the type of person who just can’t help but smile most of the time, whether that reflects my actual happiness or no. When I speak to someone, I make eye contact. I do my best to make sure that no one is left out of the conversation, and when it comes to human touch, I’m not stingy with the hugs. I hope that whenever you and I finish our conversation, you feel better about the problems that are weighing you down. I expect that when I need to unload, you would do the same for me.
When I spoke with a friend about this the other day however, she said, “There is something to be said of being aware of yourself.” This made me pause. I wanted to say but I am aware of myself, it’s you who are not aware of me. It is you who have this pre-conceived notion of how people should behave in the presence of others. It is you who is not paying attention to the person I am, and instead worry about which stereotype you wish for me to fill.
There has become a problem on more than one occasion however and gotten me into trouble. Once a friend (albeit a drunken friend) suddenly looked at me and says, “I’m never going to have sex with you.” Now obviously we aren’t friends anymore because if I had been in love with him, that would have been cruel and unnecessary, and this made me realize how much he was not a nice person, however I still wonder, what gave him the impression I wanted to. I had never called or texted him. I had never spent alone time with him. I was in fact dating his friend fairly recently before this, and had never made a pass at him. In fact I generally looked at him as the amusing drunken uncle whose escapades are lively entertainment for the rest of the guests. Well he was drunk, you say, but this is not the only occurrence.
Another friend (a gay one) told me he felt that I wanted to ravish him every time I looked at him. Countless friends have told me that I’m a flirt, and asked me if I liked one of my guy friends.
Now this is not to say, that I don’t indeed sometimes flirt, but mostly it’s with other females. It’s the ” let’s make fun and say naughty things to your non-gay friends and have witty repartee” kind of thing, not “I’m batting my lashes at you.” In fact, I can think of no occasion where I have batted my lashes.
I’m an open person. I laugh a little too loudly at jokes, and don’t care that I do. I unconsciously play with my hair. I either actively participate in conversations in a very vocal way, or sit quietly and simply listen to the entire room’s conversations. I love people watching. So how, if I am aware of all of this, can I be unaware that I am sending off some flirtatious vibes?
Should I stop them? Should I have to curb my own open and easygoing nature to fit into the mold, so that others don’t misunderstand me? Wouldn’t they simply misunderstand me in some other way instead?
I don’t have any answers. If you do, please post them.